You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
