I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
