that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
