I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
