no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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