can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
