I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
