Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
