Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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