i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Randomize
