You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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