I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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