lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
