meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
