this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
