doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
