Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
