Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
