i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
