Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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