GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
