So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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