well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
