And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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