Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
