I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
