I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
