he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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