oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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