I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
