I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
