im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
