i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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