how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
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