If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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