Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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