so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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