I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
