I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
