i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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