I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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