I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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