are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Randomize
