I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
im drinking this country out of the recession.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
