I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
