Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
