? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
