true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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