i wish my penis had a tongue
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
