Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
