There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
do herpes really smell.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
