I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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