Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Two words: nipple clamps
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