Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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