where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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