Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Damn victory sex feels great
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize