He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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