I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
