I want to stick my p in your. b.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
