I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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