I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
