Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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