I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
