I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
