I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
