He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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