I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
