your thong is hanging out like whoa
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid