they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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