i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.