when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1