bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...