i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
