gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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